Russian version

English version

Wednesday, 8 June 2016

STILL LEARNING TO LIVE AND TO LOVE

blue sky white clouds nature

So here I am in this phase in life where I don't quite know where I stand. Regarding anything.
I love people. No, I LOVE PEOPLE ! Which is relatively new, thowback to my last post from January (god, it's been long... I don't even remember what blogging is anymore and how much I love it, still do). But apart from that loving and overcoming this f*ing devastating depressive episode that I had from the beginning of the year till May, when the sun finally came out to shine onto this city of decadance culture and lifestyle... Apart from that, I don't seem to have anything, like, at all. I'm at zero. I am a zero.
I used to comfort myself thinking that I was getting free from the past and letting go of all the crap that I had been holding on to for so long, for years telling myself and others the same old story of me - but I was just trying to distract myself from the real problem. And the real problem is that I am
So. Fed. Up. With. Being. Depressed.
And I need to take my life under control. Or it's fucked.
Not going into too much detail, the past six months have been an emotional roller-coster, yet the most beautiful time of my life. I have never been this happy, ever. Actually, in all seriousness, I don't think I ever was happy before. So here's this baggage of something I can't quite contemplate, however, I like to think that I'm still learning to live and to love. And as they say, as long as you continue to learn how to love, you shall be fine.
I shall probably redesign my blog and learn to love it again. Yeah, maybe I could start from there.